Expectancy

If this time of year is rich in anything, it's rich in expectancy. Everything in nature seems ready to stir, and yet the only thing visibly stirring so far is daylight itself, which is steadily undoing winter. Cold weather has kept the lid on the garden, and the few ambitious shoots that have shown to date seem to be thinking better of it..... Some people plan for the winter, and some people plan for the spring. (34-35)

The Rural Life ~ Verlyn Klinkenborg

My mind is as frozen as the earth this year. My writing and creativity and energy all evade me at a time of year when I usually feel I am bursting with inventiveness and activity. I know that I am not alone; almost everyone I know feels the same way. I am working my way through disappointment in myself to acceptance to celebration: I am starting slow but gathering speed.

Here is what I have accomplished:

• Spring Cleaning: I am beginning by decluttering and rearranging all the chaos that seems to seep into the house in the winter. Then, I will move onto some deep spring cleaning, including changing linens, washing windows, and exchanging wardrobes.
• House Projects: Spring cleaning is setting the stage for a few house projects on deck. I am beginning with recaulking several bathrooms and hope to get some painting done this spring again as we continue to make NOLD our own. I am also choosing paint colors which is never an easy process for me.
• Yard Work: I have just begun to clear debris, leaves, and dead foliage, a never ending process. And, my professor husband helped me prune our dear Asian pear tree as well as a few rhododendron neglected last fall.
• Exercise: If the weather and my schedule provide an opening, I am committed to getting outside for yard work or exercise.
• Writing: I have returned to my writing group as well as this blog and the darn cookbook with limited success -- plodding but working at it.
• Kitchen: I have been enjoying my time in the kitchen immensely. I am moving beyond yogurt and hoping to return to bread making of the yeasted variety. I am also trying a handful of new chicken recipes, healthy and straightforward dishes to add to the dinner repertoire. And, I have been trying to prepare a few staples and sweet treats to have around the house regularly.

Just writing down my endeavors has helped -- I am making progress, particularly in light of everything else that crosses the path of this everyday life I lead. I am rich in expectancy and planning for spring, not stuck in winter's grip. I am going to say goodbye to March and raise a glass to the arrival of April this week -- so much good to come next month.

As I work away in the kitchen, I get a good view of our back yard through the glass patio doors. The birds are returning: the songbirds, including two sets of cardinals, the geese, the robins, the hawks. I spotted a small one perched in a Japanese maple on the front side of the house, silencing the rest of the inhabitants of NOLD.

And, the red-tailed hawks have returned to their campus nest, laying three beautiful eggs which the Lab of Ornithology allows us to view in real time for a different sort of expectancy. Check it out -- a bird cam gem.

Luck

In February, I took a quick trip to San Francisco with my family. I was determined to go to Muir Woods this time around and see the Redwoods, a truly religious experience for me. Nature on such an impressive scale did not fail to inspire. With a bit of care and tending, the earth is capable of providing incredible gifts. I hope to ponder this thought as I return to the garden this spring.

 

Muir Woods also had incredible patches of lush clover interspersed among the trees, the greenest and largest clover I have ever seen. St. Patrick's Day and this clover got me thinking about luck. I am not sure how I feel about luck, but I do believe that by sending out "good" into the world, my very best effort in all things, overall good things will in measure return to me. I don't think this is a faith in an outside predetermined will. Rather, I rest on a deep and abiding sense of hope despite the many challenges life brings.

 
I believe Amy Tan, a favorite author of mine, explained it like this in the Joy Luck Club:

My mother believed in God’s will for many years. It was as if she had turned on a celestial faucet and goodness kept pouring out. She said it was faith that kept all these good things coming our way, only I thought she said “fate,” because she couldn’t pronounce that “th” sound in “faith.”

And later, I discovered that maybe it was fate all along, that faith was just an illusion that somehow you’re in control. I found out the most I could have was hope, and with that I was not denying any possibility, good or bad. I was just saying, If there is a choice, dear God or whatever you are, here’s where the odds should be placed.