October

October has been exceptional here this year. It has been as if the force of nature is a siren, singing our names to come outside and marvel with such force one cannot resist. Fairly seasonal temperatures. Days overcast with rain; days of brilliant blue and buoyant white. Even the moon hung low and full last week, enjoying the view from space as we looked up and felt so small but also part of a much greater whole beyond words.

I can't find any data to support my hypothesis, but I swear the colors of autumn are deeper and richer this year. Even the trees seem to know it themselves and have been clinging to their offerings until the very last moment, allowing layers of yellow, orange, and red to paint the most amazing collage. As a result, I didn't even mind it yesterday when a passing front brought light rain and gusty winds, because I drove around town on errands enveloped in swirls of color.

Life has slowed a bit as my older daughter submits the first applications for college admission and my husband completes a very long run of teaching and grading at the university. We have been given some space to breath, and I can physically feel the reprieve even as I breathe in the brisk autumn air, almost breathe in the beauty itself, as we finally have time to walk together. My only wish is to somehow hold onto this feeling of awe and gratitude and hope.

However, no words or photos or video or blog post can record October appropriately for it is too complex and multidimensional. Perhaps, the most we can hold onto is the knowledge that to live life in the present, no matter the demands of a full life and our attempts to refurbish its edges, may be the wisest and precious of all endeavors. So, a shout of welcome to November. May I appreciate your days as October taught me.

Unharvested

"Life does not seem to present itself to me for my convenience, to box itself up nicely so I can write about it with wisdom and a point to make before putting it on a shelf somewhere. Now, at this stage of my life, I understand just enough about life to understand that I do not understand much of anything." (38-39) Small Victories by Anne Lamott

"You know all those things I've always wanted to do? I should go do them. What am I waiting for? What are you waiting for?" Life has been really hitting me on the head with this realization lately. I feel  as if I am standing under a tree of ripe apples and one by one they fall and hit me on the head to remind me that time is passing and I have no control over anything at all.

So, I should really take a first step to refurbish this life and not wait. I don't understand much of anything, but I do believe in one thing: life is all about the process of living, of evolving, of trying, of growing, of learning, of connecting, of harvesting. I know that I haven't been given all of the privileges I have to simply sit under the apple tree as the fruit waits to be harvested when I can get up and harvest myself.

Once the apples are harvested, the making can happen. Bake pies and cakes and strudel. (Man, I love strudel!) Make sauce to can and gift. Slice and dip with your loved ones. Take a bite into the skin of an apple and let the juice dribble down your chin as the tart sweetness overwhelms you. Of course, I might fail or change course or run out of time and leave many of the apples unharvested, because life does not happen for my convenience. 

Then, Robert Frost reminds me again that leaving some apples unharvested, deviating from our stated plan, can be sweet, too. Pick. Refurbish. Dig deep. Be present. Be authentic. Learn about yourself. Learn about life. Fill the soul. Fill the larder. Pass on with passion what will be left behind. Unharvested, yet oh so full.

Unharvested

by Robert Frost

A scent of ripeness from over a wall.
And come to leave the routine road
And look for what had made me stall,
There sure enough was an apple tree
That had eased itself of its summer load,
And of all but its trivial foliage free,
Now breathed as light as a lady's fan.
For there had been an apple fall
As complete as the apple had given man.
The ground was one circle of solid red.

May something go always unharvested!
May much stay out of our stated plan,
Apples or something forgotten and left,
So smelling their sweetness would be no theft.