#21: Presently

Over the weekend, I had mandated a news black out for myself. I was bone tired from both life demands of late and the incessant cycle of dire information that currently haunts our daily lives. Nothing but tuning out and a long afternoon nap could pull me from the mental quagmire that seemed to hijack me from the moment I woke Saturday. Then, I slowly began to immerse myself back into the grind of the daily news. I am very selective these days with my news sources and the amount I ingest. I am sure you may do the same. Still, I get bogged down now and again.

Yesterday, news broke that Sudan, the last male northern white rhino, died in Kenya. Heartbreak. ?#@*&%! My initial response was both sad and mad (with a bit of swearing thrown in, too!) For me, the loss is a painful reminder that our human failings can cut deep with irreversible results. As always, nature teaches lessons of both unbridled joy and shameful gravity. It is both a merciful and merciless master, although we might like to think otherwise.

When I was young, I was labelled naively optimistic. Family members thought I simply hadn't seen enough of life to understand where their pessimism found its inception. Of course, the world provides ample evidence that a glass half empty might be the most sane benchmark to adopt. Still, my soul rests in the camp of those who see the world as a glass half full. What choice do we have but to see the world for what it is, the good and the bad, from our small vantage point? To choose where we focus and place our efforts and continue anyway? Right now, as I type my thoughts at the computer or garden as steward of a small plot of land or volunteer for meaningful causes and people or devote energy to relationships and community, I invest with hopeful and positive intent.

In the scheme of things, I work hard to not forget my good fortune and privilege as well as find ways to best share them with the world. I must be realistic and engaged enough to know the events swirling round while also goal oriented and detached enough to get to work. At times, I feel like I am spinning my wheels and failing to accomplish the positive, long-lasting outcomes I desire. So much of this negativity stems from a lack of focus, of failing to be present in my work. As my husband reminds me, research shows that multitasking is a myth. Multitasking reduces human productivity. In my case, it muddles my mind.

In a PBS News Hour Opinion piece, Ann Patchett shared the same:

In order to write a novel, I have to show up to work fully present and concentrate on one thing. It turns out this is also the secret to baking a cake, and being in a successful relationship, and being a good parent, and a good friend.

The author and independent bookstore founder inspired me to be present today even though the earth appeared to slumber away the hours of daylight and the storm muffled the song of the cardinal, the pecking of the pileated woodpecker, and the honking of the migrating geese. Nonetheless, I was able to be present to witness our puppy's pure joy, racing and playing in George's first sizable snowfall. I made an effort to be present as I baked a peach tart, topped it with vanilla ice cream while still warm from the oven, and enjoyed slow spoonfuls reminiscent of summer's bounty. And, I tackled the muddle, elbowing my way through my crowded mind to find direction with conviction, right here, right now, presently.

Today

Mary Oliver

Today I'm flying low and I'm
not saying a word.
I'm letting all the voodoos of ambition sleep.

The world goes on as it must,
the bees in the garden rumbling a little,
the fish leaping, the gnats getting eaten.
And so forth.

But I'm taking the day off.
Quiet as a feather.
I hardly move though really I'm traveling
a terrific distance.

Stillness. One of the doors
into the temple.